I'd format this and try harder if more than one person was going to read this. Here are some real knee-slappers from the Micorsoft E3 Press Conference. Please read from the bottom-up.
TheImpar Richard Porter
TheImpar Richard Porter
Well, that was Microsoft's press conference. We did it, guys. We did it. May God have mercy on our souls.
TheImpar Richard Porter
The acting on stage is so good, guys. So unbearably soul-crushingly good. I hope to see more in the coming seconds.
TheImpar Richard Porter
This golf demo has me completely convinced that this world is not at all as it seems.
TheImpar Richard Porter
I guess that was kind of neat technology, but was it really worth that sudden wild applause?
TheImpar Richard Porter
Nothing but respect for Double Fine. THAT'S how you make a Kinect game for kids. Now back to your regularly scheduled ridiculousness.
TheImpar Richard Porter
With Kinect we fore-go the ability to move freely and explore and FLAIL WILDLY AT YOUR TELEVISION
EDIT: I meant "forego the ability to move freely and explore SO YOU CAN FLAIL WILDLY etc."
EDIT: I meant "forego the ability to move freely and explore SO YOU CAN FLAIL WILDLY etc."
TheImpar Richard Porter
Kinect Disneyland adventures will be the joy of your child's life for 60$ and then they will ask to play Call of Duty.
TheImpar Richard Porter
GET THOSE COINS! New Disneyland game for Kinect teaches children the nature of capitalism.
TheImpar Richard Porter
New Fable game! I am pumped to see how many steps backwards they will take this time!
TheImpar Richard Porter
Will Smith has joined Cliffy B to play some Gears3 in front of everyone. Jake the dog barks orders.
TheImpar Richard Porter
I'm hearing a really inspirational chord progression. I think we're witnessing the birth of a new revolution. When u r the controller
TheImpar Richard Porter
Thank you Xbox, I need more reasons to shout angrily into my television screen than I already do.
TheImpar Richard Porter
Pump fist for iron sights. Congratulations, Chris. I can't wait for Jon Candy's Ghost Recon.
TheImpar Richard Porter
Geemo just stepped on stage. Everything's about to get real. Hope everyone brought their shields.
TheImpar Richard Porter
Kinect allows gamers to talk to their ME3 squad. Technology amazing hashtagvideogamecharacterswillnevercareaboutyou
TheImpar Richard Porter
Next balding man introduced onto stage to sweat profusely in front of everyone. Time for some Mass Effect 3
TheImpar Richard Porter
Bald man appears on stage. Says Lara Croft games based figuratively on key moments of his life.
TheImpar Richard Porter
Let's hope Microsoft breaks last year's record for most wreckless hand gesturing. Don Mattrick grinded onto the stage via skis hashtagRADDAD
TheImpar Richard Porter
I think somebody's kid wandered on stage and is playing on stage. When will anyone do anything about this? Seriously. hashtagwrangleurkids
TheImpar Richard Porter
The stage has collapsed and everyone has gone home. Well, that was fun, guys. Let's do this again next E3
TheImpar Richard Porter
I think they're showing a trailer for Halo 3, guys. I can't wait. In this game I hear M.C. and Cortana finally kiss. Whats with the scuba?
TheImpar Richard Porter
Uh-oh, guys. M rated content. I might not be able to cover all of this. I'm srry.
TheImpar Richard Porter
I hope Kotaku covers what famous Japanese models think about the recent Playstation Network outage. hashtagintegritykotaku
TheImpar Richard Porter
I'm watching E3 via Gametrailers today. They've brought on someone from Kotaku. Time for some "journalism"!
TheImpar Richard Porter
TheImpar Richard Porter
I'm going to write at a couple jokes for the Nintendo Entertainment Expo today, guys. let's all have some fun for the video games. E3333!!!
