CarpalTunnelFunBlog

Mircorsoft's E3 LiveTweeting.

2011-06-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

I'd format this and try harder if more than one person was going to read this. Here are some real knee-slappers from the Micorsoft E3 Press Conference. Please read from the bottom-up.

TheImpar Richard Porter

Well, that was Microsoft's press conference. We did it, guys. We did it. May God have mercy on our souls.

TheImpar Richard Porter

New Call of Duty game tentatively titled Halo 4

37 seconds ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

The acting on stage is so good, guys. So unbearably soul-crushingly good. I hope to see more in the coming seconds.

6 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

This golf demo has me completely convinced that this world is not at all as it seems.

8 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Tennis. That is good tennis.

10 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I guess that was kind of neat technology, but was it really worth that sudden wild applause?

14 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Nothing but respect for Double Fine. THAT'S how you make a Kinect game for kids. Now back to your regularly scheduled ridiculousness.

16 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Tim Schafer, Double Fine, and Muppets are on stage. Shutting up, now.

21 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

With Kinect we fore-go the ability to move freely and explore and FLAIL WILDLY AT YOUR TELEVISION
EDIT: I meant "forego the ability to move freely and explore SO YOU CAN FLAIL WILDLY etc."

22 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Kinect Disneyland adventures will be the joy of your child's life for 60$ and then they will ask to play Call of Duty.

26 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

GET THOSE COINS! New Disneyland game for Kinect teaches children the nature of capitalism.

28 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

New Fable game! I am pumped to see how many steps backwards they will take this time!

33 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I <3 prerendered misleading Kinect game trailers.

39 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Will Smith has joined Cliffy B to play some Gears3 in front of everyone. Jake the dog barks orders.

44 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I'm hearing a really inspirational chord progression. I think we're witnessing the birth of a new revolution. When u r the controller

51 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Thank you Xbox, I need more reasons to shout angrily into my television screen than I already do.

52 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Pump fist for iron sights. Congratulations, Chris. I can't wait for Jon Candy's Ghost Recon.

58 minutes ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Geemo just stepped on stage. Everything's about to get real. Hope everyone brought their shields.

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Kinect allows gamers to talk to their ME3 squad. Technology amazing hashtagvideogamecharacterswillnevercareaboutyou

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I don't think this man knows that the game in front of him can't hear him.

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Next balding man introduced onto stage to sweat profusely in front of everyone. Time for some Mass Effect 3

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Bald man appears on stage. Says Lara Croft games based figuratively on key moments of his life.

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Let's hope Microsoft breaks last year's record for most wreckless hand gesturing. Don Mattrick grinded onto the stage via skis hashtagRADDAD

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I think somebody's kid wandered on stage and is playing on stage. When will anyone do anything about this? Seriously. hashtagwrangleurkids

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

The stage has collapsed and everyone has gone home. Well, that was fun, guys. Let's do this again next E3

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I think they're showing a trailer for Halo 3, guys. I can't wait. In this game I hear M.C. and Cortana finally kiss. Whats with the scuba?

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Uh-oh, guys. M rated content. I might not be able to cover all of this. I'm srry.

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I hope Kotaku covers what famous Japanese models think about the recent Playstation Network outage. hashtagintegritykotaku

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I'm watching E3 via Gametrailers today. They've brought on someone from Kotaku. Time for some "journalism"!

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

Blog here: http://carpaltunnelfunblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/yee-3-today-liveblogging.html

1 hour ago

TheImpar Richard Porter

I'm going to write at a couple jokes for the Nintendo Entertainment Expo today, guys. let's all have some fun for the video games. E3333!!!

YEE 3 TODAY LIVEBLOGGING

2011-06-06T09:19:00.001-07:00

I'm going to liveblog today. First I will tweet a few times, then I will gather several of them together and post them here as a blog post. Until I run out of steam. Let's have fun, guys! As a new member of the gaming journalism club, I think that means it's my job to pump you up for the big company's latest corporate ventures. I think I'm supposed to be a PR hype machine. Let's do it, guys! Let's get these guys some money!!!!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

P-p-p-p-PRANKSgiving y'all!!!!

2010-11-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

Pranksgiving in tha house. Werd 2 yer grand-dad.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and a big congratulations to my brother John and his wife, Jenny for successfully creating another human being. Welcome, Jack! NOW GET A JOB.

YES Sunday Comics Today!

2010-06-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

Yes.

I posted it in the Kotaku comments section under their Sunday Comics post. The problem is that apparently Kotaku filters their users and you need to be approved before you can actually comment.

You submit comments and I guess they eventually approve you once they see you aren't typing "FIRST!" or anything. So we'll just have to wait and see.

No Sunday Comics Today

2010-06-06T11:38:00.000-07:00

God, I wanted to do one SO BAD today. I wanted to post it in Kotaku's comments (everyone else seems to be posting their own comics/other comics they like on there), BUT ... I was shocked to see that the comics they posted today weren't horrible.

Now, don't get me wrong. They were all lame and a complete waste of everyone's time, BUT they weren't SOUL-CRUSHINGLY bad. Well, Ctrl+Alt+Del was pretty terrible, but that's a given at this point. Also that one with the weird .. dog/koala/demon people with pear shaped heads didn't really have a joke.
It was:
thing1: I want game product for game system x.
thing2: Okay, I will give you product *AND* game system x.
thing1: I just want product.
thing2: You sure?
THE END

So, eh, I don't know. I don't think I'll do one today. Maybe I'll look them over again later and realize I was completely wrong AND ALL THE WORLD'S WEBCOMICS MUST BE DESTROYED. But I'm not up to it at the moment.

Oh, yeah. Little Gamers is also pretty consistently terrible. I think they almost recycled their material (and ALL FIVE MILLION OTHER COMICS THAT DID "lol Final Fantasy is a long game" jokes from last week. Except without the dirty bearded man.

Have a look at the comics for yourself if you want.
Kotaku Sunday Comics

UPDATE: reading comments to Kotaku's Sunday Comics post .... a lot of people really really like some of those lame strips. I mean, they're hysterical to some of those people. HYSTERICAL. Click on that link above. How many times did you laugh or at least go, "yeah, I guess I could see someone somewhere who hasn't seen much comedy in their time laugh at this." HOW MANY TIMES?

Maybe I need to do a sunday comics thing after all ... still undecided ... don't get your hopes up.

The Day Richard Fell

2010-06-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to say that fellow Richard and world renown pep-pep extraordinaire, Richard Dunn (most famous for being a regular on Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job) passed away this morning.

R.I.P. Richard Dunn.

VIDEO games journalism

2010-06-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

Is serious business.

Check out this STUPENDOUS new video game blog I found! Get all the newest reviews and opinions on the video games at GAERMpressBUTTONS, ya dingus.

click down there
DO IT

Origin: Spirits of the Past

2010-05-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

Because all the cool kids are doing it, I've decided to make an abridged version of this Japanese cartoon I just watched. ARE YOU READY? no? TOO BAD.

ORIGIN: SPIRITS OF THE PAST
Hmm, alright. The trailer had some cool animation going for it at least. If the movie ends up stupid, at least it will look cool, right? I'm sure it'll have the usual Anime hokey-ness, and it doesn't look exactly ground-breaking, but it can't be that bad, right? Sure, why not? Let's check this movie out.

The film starts with some yodeling. Japanese yodeling. It hurts, but I'll push through.

Now there's some weird stuff floating around. Dragon-trees? A giant pumpkin smashed in space?

Uh-oh! Things are about to get wacky! We join two teenagers who are ... racing each other? They almost die about five or six times. Then one lands hard on a rock and it goes right in between the cheeks. Because comedy. Now, the race is over.

Now they're resting in some kind of cave filled with water and stuff.
BOY: I are going to be explore when I grow up more bigger. Like my dad.

BOY2: Okay.

Then some spooky dudes in hoods start banging sticks on the ground. The entire town is alerted for some reason. They weren't supposed to touch the water or something.

LATER
BOY finds big purple thing in cave. He almost dies again. Inside a giant metal tube is a girl. In a totally real and believable, monotone, not at all fake acting voice, she screams, "NO DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALL BY MYSELF!!!!!!"

Then water happens and they have to run. They come across some kind of door with an electronic lock device thingy.

BOY: What do we do?

GIRL: We can do nothing for there is dirt on it."

Then water happens again.

GIRL: I have an idea. I will slam the dirt off with my fist.

This works and they get through the door.

They escape the dreaded water and make it back to the surface. Let me note that BOY is wearing 500 layers of clothing and GIRL is only wearing some kind of hospital gown. At no point does the BOY ever offer her one of his jackets or something.

BOY: Check this out, this is where I live, yo."
The camera pans over some rad scenery of crumbled buildings and ruins.

GIRL: How did this happen?

She's brought to civilization and waits outside the "office" of some OFFICIAL LADY. GIRL is still in hospital gown for some reason.

OFFICIAL LADY: Come in.
They sit down.

OFFICIAL LADY: You're from the past aren't you?

GIRL: How long have I been gone?

OFFICIAL LADY explains something about how the world has become a mess and there are TWO WARRING FACTIONS. These people who found the girl believe in god knows what. Trees or something. - And some other group of people who want to control nature by shooting at it a lot with science. I will refer to them as the GUNPEOPLE.

The movie then kills any and all interest I had by substituting cheap anime character archetypes in lieu of making any small amount of effort to create original, engaging, well-written characters. Congratulations, movie. I'm only 15 minutes in. This is going to be good.

BOY 2: Ey, GIRL, if you don't have a boyfriend, BOY want girl to have. *nudge nudge*

BOY: ARGH CLICHE THOU HAST BESMIRCHED ME.

Gee, I wonder if BOY and GIRL fall in love in this movie. From what I've seen so far, I'm sure it will be handled with the utmost grace and originality.

OTHER GIRL who is part of the wacky gang: I will now get way too close to you and inspect you because *gee* ain't I quirky? Hmm ... Yep, you pass my superficial inspection. You have legs and arms and everything. Way to go.

Then the movie mentions something about a water shortage, the OFFICIAL LADY visits some spooky green forest girl who tells her that the GIRL will end up destroying the forest.

THEN we cut to OTHER GIRL showing GIRL around town.

OTHER GIRL: Yep, we found you in some tube from the past. This is where everything is. Now time to get to work.

GIRL: Okay.
*boop boop*
GIRL: Uh-oh, my neck phone is ringin'. I better ans-

OTHER GIRL: WHAT'S THIS DOO? *slaps neck phone out of GIRL's hand and it lands on the floor.*

GIRL: That's my neck phone.

OTHER GIRL: Okay. Oh, by the way. I am going to marry BOY someday and nobody else. Bye! *runs*

GIRL: okay.

25 minutes and I now officially hate this movie.

GIRL is completely submissive, empty-headed, baby incapable of doing anything but crying because the writers figure she is a woman and has emotions.

Here comes BOY to the rescue GIRL from the BIG MEAN WORLD and fulfill the writer/audience's desire to marry a girl with the brain of a three-year-old.

BOY: It's dangerous out here.

GIRL: I can't do anything *cries* I should just go back to sleep.

BOY: Silly girl. I'll cheer ya up with my charming personality.
Crickets chirp, the wind blows, and somewhere off in the distance, a dog barks. (thanks, Far Side)

GIRL: So I spent some time with OTHER GIRL today.

BOY: Yeah, she's a talker isn't she? AH HAHAHAHAHA!

GIRL: AH HAHAHAHA! (-the first moment GIRL shows any signs of humanity and it is forced.)
(And, you know, OTHER GIRL didn't really talk all that much. She just showed her around.)

in another forest-cave-I-don't-know-what:

BOY: Check dis out. This is my dad. An old man made out of trees or something.

DADTREE: Accept it or go away and sleep in your stupid science tube, GIRL.

GIRL: I need to be alone. *cries*

ME: ?????????

Later:
The BOYS speak to one another.

BOY2: If she leaves then I can't ask her to marry her

BOY: WHAT'RE YOU TALKIN ABOUT????
WAH WAH WAHAWAHWAHWAHHAHAHHAHAHAHUMOR

GIRL is confronted by GUNPEOPLE. GUNPEOPLE MAN steps out from behind GUNS and explains he is also from "the past" like GIRL.

GUNPEOPLE MAN: Join us, yo. I will hold my hand out at you and ask that you join us. I won't even make an argument for our side. Just, like, join us, 'kay?

Then green stuff comes out of the forest to attack them.

GUNPEOPLE MAN: 's okay. I know what I'm doing. He holds his hand out and ... the green stuff stops?

Then BOY comes to rescue. He's thrown aside.

GUNPEOPLE MANS: GIRL, your father's research is the key to fix everything.

GIRL: Okay.

BOY: Don't join him, he's the badguys!

GIRL: No. Bye.

TREEDAD'S HOUSE

TREEDAD: The fate of the forest depends on you now, son.

BOY: Okay.

More later

BOY: I've decided, TREEDAD .... goodbye ... I'm going to the forest.
Umm ...

Later on train:

GUNPEOPLEMAN: Yeah, I used to be one of those loser hippies on the other side. But, like, now I'm not anymore. Yep, that's pretty much my story. Check my cool robot parts.

GIRL: Okay.

GUNPEOPLEMAN: We've arrived at this other place that I'm not sure why we brought you here. We're totally the good guys on the right side.

GIRL: *cough cough* (chokes on all-encompassing smog) okay.

GUNPEOPLEMAN: Yeah, that's the smoke from technology and science.

Hippie tree land:

OTHERGIRL: Waah, BOY went in forest. We must follow him.

OLD DUDE WITH SUNGLASSES: I guess I'm your dad or something, I don't know. Apparently I'm a character, now. Yeah, he went in the forest. That's his decision.

OTHERGIRL: okay.

Forest land:

FOREST: GIRL is evil and will burn the forest down. Try to stop that for us, okay?

BOY: Eh?

FOREST: Yeah. Now you fight for the forest. We're going to dye your hair white, now, okay?

BOY: Wha?

BOY's hair is dyed white and now he has the power to punch stuff really hard and chop buildings in half with his bare hands. BOY does all this. BOY is completely blase about it.
BOY goes to the lair of GUNPEOPLEMAN

BOY: Check out my midriff. Everybody likes male midriff. Let's fill the movie with it from here on. I mean ... come with me GIRL.

GIRL: You're enhanced, now? Why'd you do that?

BOY: Because it's cool. Now come with me.

GUNPEOPLEMAN: Get him.

They capture him and chain him. He wakes up later.

BOY: Where am I?

GIRL: I have to stay here to help the planet.

BOY: But .. uh ... what's going on in this movie, again?

GIRL: I dunno. I'm going to go save the world by cutting down the evil forest, okay?

BOY: YOU CAN'T DO THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

BOY says "THIS" for five minutes. Then trees grow out of his arms and he escapes because, uh ... because.
GUNPEOPLE: Time to shoot guns at him. For humanity.

The GUNPEOPLE escape.

Young, male, teen midriff occurs on the screen for the next ten minutes because I guess that's what Japan is into these days.

Then we go back to the evil GUNPEOPLE

GUNPEOPLEMAN to GUNPEOPLE: I'm going into science-ville HQ, yo and there's nothing you can do to stop me.

GUNPEOPLE: How dare you!

Inside (I guess science-ville HQ ended up being inside a volcano)

SCIENCEDAD: I am the greatest scientific mind there ever was. I have this really good scientific idea. This is how you make the world really cool: You destroy everything. Go ahead and go do that if I didn't get around to it, yet.

GUNPEOPLEMAN: We will use power of volcano to destroy earth. SCIENCEDAD was a genius! Fake science mumbo jumbo blah blah time to destroy the earth. MWAHAHAHA!

GIRL: Ummmm .... Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all?

Train of GUNPEOPLE.

BOY: Here I am to save the day! *exposes midriff to audience.*

GUNPEOPLE: It's a good thing you're here. You can help us stop GUNPEOPLEMAN.

BOY: Alright. You were trying to murder me several minutes ago, but I won't question this. Sure, I'll help.

Inside lair of evil science in volcano.

BOY: HERE I AM TO SAVE THE DAY! *MIDRIFF!*

GIRL: BOY!

BOY : Come with me, GIRL.

GIRL: okay.

BOY picks her up and runs.

Outside of volcano.

GUNPEOPLE: Time to shoot at the volcano. *shrug*
They shoot at the volcano and there are a bunch of explosions.
The volcano fights back with guns of its own.

INSIDE VOLCANO OF EVIL SCIENCE a fight between midriff boy and GUNPEOPLEMAN happens. GIRL sits around and cries. BOY turns into a super-saiyin for some reason. And then he's a tree. And I guess this traps GUNPEOPLEMAN for some reason. GIRL runs to stop the evil science. BOY says goodbye and bares his midriff to the audience one last time.

GIRL stops the evil science plan by .. I don't know. Crying at the computers or something stupid.
Volcanic rocks shoot out of the volcano. Then that OLD DUDE WITH SUNGLASSES from way back jumps up in the air and punches one. Yep.

Cut back to the inside of the volcano
GIRL: BOY come back! I saved the world and stuff. I'll never leave you again.
She cries and slams her fists on the BOY tree.

The movie starts yodeling again. The clouds part and BOY is standing around, just chillin' I guess. He turns and sees his father.

GUNPEOPLEMAN: Yeah, I'm here, too. Don't worry about me. It's all cool now. Go back to

GIRL. She's waiting for you.

DAD: Feh.

Then BOY hatches from a tree egg or some garbage and comes back to life inside the volcano with GIRL.

BOY: Humans and the forest can live together as one. That was the whole point of this film. Get it? Midriff!

GIRL: Okay.

The Volcano erupts and they leave.
A really horrible song plays and the credits roll.
THE END.

Here's the EVEN MORE abridged version:

BOY: I found you in a tube.
GIRL: Okay. This place is dullsville, I'm going with the cool guys with the guns.
BOY: NO YOU'RE NOT.
GIRL: Okay. I love you, now.
VOLCANO: !!!!!!!!!

Now the Waiting Game

2010-04-19T15:18:00.001-07:00

(click to big times, boy. knowadahmean?)

Alright, I think I'm pretty much done with this thing. I'm already getting ideas for the next projects I might want to do, but I'd like to see this thing done first, or at least know where it's going. Just to reboot my brain and start with a clean slate.

So, what I'd like is an estimate of how much more content I should be expecting from any of you. You have as much time as you need with said content, I just need a placeholder of sorts to reserve their space in the book for organizing all the stories together in the book, spacing, applying images, etc. All that fun stuff.

Tony, I've got a special part I'd like you to do. A forward of sorts. I'll send you more details when I get all this together. You're more than welcome to add a "story" or two on top of that (or reject the notion altogether), but just letting you know you already have a reserved spot if you want it.

A reminder: The story is not at all straight up horror. Anything goes in this book. For example, I have a story titled "Your Friend's Dad is Looking For His Keys." Short essays on the virtues of Soup Folding are welcome. The more the images juxtapose the stories, the better. Maybe.

We Need a Title

2010-04-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

For that book. Any ideas?

Still doing some work. I've got a couple more "arts" done and I'm going through and refining what I have written so far.

I don't care how impractical the titles are. I want your ideas! The winner gets to choose from either a free pass into the Barbarian Brothers Fan Club or they get to punch Billy Ray Cyrus in the face.

And now for something completely different. This video is, like, pretty much one of my favorite things ever and I'm just glad YouTube has it now.

Not enough giant bear suits in music videos today.

EVEN MROE!!!!!

2010-04-11T10:03:00.000-07:00

I made some more. Do a look at them. DO A LOOK. (click for big times, man)

They certainly are. Something. They certainly are.

I think I'm on the home stretch for this thing. As of this writing I've got about 66 pages done (including drawings). 46 pages are "stories." I put them in quotes.

I'd like to get this thing done soon, so any of your guys' stories would be greatly appreciated. It's no rush. But hurry. I can only ward the demons off for so long. A month longer and I'm all out of salt.

Another one

2010-04-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

Did some more "arts." Look at it. (click picture for more bigger)

Okay, now go away.
Art fuel of the day: https://store.puscifer.com/frameset.html

Arpil FOOLSD AY

2010-04-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

DO YOU GET IT! HUH? BECAUSE it is April Fools' day! AH-ahAHAH! Oops I forgot to make a joke.

Here's a preview story for the short story collection thing I'm doing. I'm putting it somewhere in the middle. Enjoy. Or don't.

Somebody doesn't edit or proofread

You're so careless. You just sit there working on this thing trying to get it done as fast as you can and you can bet that when you get this stupid thing done, this will still be in it. I'm not hiding it. BAM! There. The title of this story is now, "Somebody doesn't edit or proofread."

If you can't bother to read your own work, why should anyone else? Whatever. More padding for your little story book! Hey reader person, if you've bought this book (or did the smart thing and just downloaded it from the internet) you should demand your money back. This guy doesn't proofread his own work and sends it out to the public like the entitled princess he is.

Now I'm going to write a bunch of nonsense so it'll look like an actual story on the off chance he actually scans through the pages at least. I'll just write some random words, throw on the caps-lock now and then, and remember to cram in plenty of exclamation points. Whatevs. It'll look like something he wrote. Ahuh? hwaaa!

Show you to leave your stupid work open on my computer. Proofread!

Once there was a ghost and he was all, "WHUH MAH LEGS FALLED OFF."

"OH NO," cried a nearby alligator in an elevator. Alligator said, "AWOOGAH," and shot the ghost in the head. The ghost was dead.

"It's a good thing you shots that elephant!" curdled a taking jar of peanut butter.

"WHAO U CAN TAK!" shot the alligator from the legs. Then the alligator saw the thirst i nhis eye and punch the water fountain with tremendous girth. "I know this punch was angry, but I do it for my believes. In alligator land, we don't believes in ghost." Alligator shed a water from his eye in sadness. He had memory of homeland where a ghost which he didn't believe in had share his pet dog, Ruvver, with old lady in forest. Ruvver was not returned.

Alligator put his pants on just like the rest of you cretins and mailed a letter to the president.

"Dear presidents, I have invited you to my house for government party gathering. It is a big house with lots of windows for the government. And there will be secret ghosts." This was a secret ploy to get the president over to his house with lots of windows where secret alligator base of alligators who don't believe ghosts so to confront the president (who was secretly in alliance with the dark ghosts (which they did not believe in. (It was secret coverup) ) )

The president said, "okay." And winked a smile from his breath. His cold ghost's breath. It fogged Alligator's eyes.

So the president came over to house (it was made to look like the Washington Monument so this was normal for president to go there) a nd alligator watched in surprise to scatch the prez off his gourd. "GOD WHAT A WINDOWS" screeched the president.

Just then the alligators had pounced out of the cake which they had hiddened in parts of house where there were no lights.

"Bizew! Bizew!" Said the president's lazer gun. But it was too laste. The alligators grabbed ahold of presedem and creatured his head off.

THAT'LL BE THE OF YOU proclaimed a teary eyed Alligator. He had wanted say this all along time. Ever since Ruvver had gotten disappeared. The chief of police had, "congrabulations, Alligaotr, but you still have presidents on your back!"

Alligator jumped out of window. "BUT IT JOKED!" Said the chief, reaching a body part out to Alligator who had fallen to tragic death. Police chief made a statue of Alligator in his honor for what he did to the ghost force taking of the government. There, on a golden plaque at the bass of statue stated, "MAY WE NEVER BELIEF IN GHOST AGAIN."

Then Alligator was promoted but he lost his job since he never come in to work again.

The end! Inspired by bad fan-fiction.

The rest of the stories are obviously nothing like that. Not intentionally, anyway.

EXCLAMATION POINTS

2010-03-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hmm, I don't know why pictures aren't working anymore on this thing ... Not that I had any pictures from the show.

Alright, here's how it went down, son. There was a dude dressed in some kind of all blue wrestler getup, mask and everything, walking back and forth low to the ground outside Captain Nemo's handing out flyers for the PEELANDER Z show about to SMASH San Luis into the ground.

"HEY! Come to the show, Kim Thayil!!" He said as he handed me a flyer, patted me on the shoulder, and continued walked around the building. (Click for reference)

"Yeah!" I said in a tone that meant, "Of course that's where I'm going, man! There is no other place on this earth I could possibly be going." - but not in an indignant dismissive tone that that might sound like reading it. "Thanks!"

Alright, so we head out back behind Cheap Thrills' little concert shack and sit there while the band walked around inside testing their equipment and doing whatever it is bands do before a show to ensure the show doesn't start when they say it will.

"Oh, so glad you could make it, Kim Thayil from Soundgarden!" The wrestler guy in blue says as he scurries around, posing, and talking to people.

Eventually we see this balding Japanese guy dressed in BRIGHT YELLOW walking towards us with an innocent smile on his face. He says, "Hi," and we see he's trying to get to the van right behind us. We make way for the stupendous YELLOW member of Peelander Z. They get some stuff out of the back of the van and start bringing stuff in. YELLOW stands in the middle of the crowd with his guitar and raises his hands in the air, making the motion that he wants everyone to follow him in. YES! FINALLY!

The rest can only be described as magic. Everyone jumping around, the music blaring, everyone with huge smiles on their face, the blue wrestler guy dancing around the room. At one point they were handing out tambourines and encouraging everyone to really get into it. I don't know, you really had to be there. There isn't really a good way of conveying the experience through a blog entry.

Some highlights:

Band members running out into the crowd, still wailing on their guitars.

RED, the bassist, pointing at someone and putting his hands out in front of him, face up, fingers crossed to give him a boost up. RED climbs up onto the ceiling and hangs upside down and continues playing! RED surfing the crowd on his back, back to the stage. All while still playing.

GIANT SQUID!!!!!

GIANT SQUID WRESTLING! Almost. There wasn't a lot of room so they just settled for a spin and an Irish whip across the room.

CONGA LINE! They all got off the stage and formed a conga line and walked out of the building and back in. Still playing!

At one point the drummer, GREEN got off the stage and just decided to set up base in the center of the room. RED joined him.

Broken English!!!! SAN-O LUIS-OBIS-U-PO!!!!!

SO MANY MIKE!!!

MAD-O TIGAH!

GET-A CLOSAH TO THE STAGE! I'M GOING TO BITE YOU! MAD-O TIGAH!!!!

ME-A SUPAH HAND-O-SOME. *point at random person* YOU-A UGRY!

UG-UH-LY (point) UGLY (point) UGLY (point) UGURY UGRY UGRY! HHAAANDSSOOOME!!!!! (point at another random person. repeat)

Then they explain that they want the audience to pick their next song. They hold up three signs with letters. A? *cheer* B? *CHEER* C? *CHEEEEEER!!!*
Okay! One more time! B? *CHEER!* C? *EXPLOSION*
They turn over C .... S.T.E.A.K.!!! STEAK!!!! The crowd goes wild!
Then they turn over the rest one by one. S.T.E.A.K. S.T.E.A.K. S.T.E.A.K.!!!!! ALL STEAK!
Time for the STEAK song.
"HEY! I HAVE QUESTION FOR YOU! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE COOK-A YOU-A STEAK????"
...
MMMEEEEDIUMMM RRRARRRRRREE!!!! *heavy guitar riff*

Easily the most fun I've ever had. I hope they come back sometime! You HAVE to see them next time. It is not a choice. It is an obligation.

PEELANDER Z TIME!!!!!!!!

2010-03-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

Comic Punk Rock sensation PEELANDER Z WILL BE PUNCHING YOU ALL IN THE NECK WITH A FISTFUL OF AWESOME tonight at Cheap Thrills. I'm going.

This is the medication you need. This is the medication you've been searching all your life to make yourself feel more like the brick you know yourself to be deep down inside your heart.

YES. That WAS a power glove.

If someone told you that a bunch of crazy dudes from Japan wearing bright costumes, dancing around, and rocking out were right around your corner and asked if you'd like to see them for free, WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD SAY NO?

Maybe people with things to do, I guess. Well, I'm going and I think it's going to be awesome!

Paranormal Pancake Parlor 2000

2010-03-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

Are your pants hiked up to proper ghost hunting standards today? Did you go to the Mattress Outlet and pick up the most absorbent mattress you could find? Good! Now lodge it in your throat and wait for our specialists to come to you!

Today's Paranormal spooky Internet thing comes from Brydenman. Check this video out!
Urban Legends Series: Spiricom
The video doesn't pause so make sure you don't make the same mistake I did. We've since sealed off the room and set it ablaze in a golden, purifying, eternal flame. I'm sorry, Ms. Johnson. Your children didn't make it out.

Didja watch it, yet? Pretty cool video, I thought. My initial thoughts were, "Pfft. Communicate with ghosts. Right." Then I was like, "hmm ... maybe ..." It has pictures and appears to have some attempt at documenting evidence. Dates, names, photos, audio. That means it's real, right? It's very different from the usual, "You don't even know what my life is like, man. It's filled with immeasurable darkness the likes of which you'll never know. I wear all black, am plastered in tacky makeup, gaudy jewelery, am 300 lbs. and covered in a fine sheen of my own personal grease.
I -
can talk to dead people.

Anyone who doesn't believe is just a big jealous meanie. So there."
-that is par for the course for this sort of thing. Whether it was real or not, it was different. I was intrigued. So I did some research.

LOOKATTHIS
At about this time, things started to look a little sillier and a couple thoughts came to mind. If this thing really worked with this amount of accuracy, why haven't I, someone who spends a lot of time reading about this kind of spooky paranormal ghost stuff on the internet, ever heard of this. You'd think there would be a half-hour special covering this whole thing on the Discovery channel or something instead of the handful of "Most haunted places" shows recorded in the early 2000s that they've been rerunning for so many years.

You'd think there'd be more development on this sort of thing. You'd think they'd try using something like this on a show like Ghost Hunters or one of their contemporaries (Ghost Adventures and their MOST SCIENTIFIC device, the ghost-talky-machine doesn't count).

But nope. It's just like, "Hey, there was a machine once that could let this dude talk to ghosts. He used it a couple times and it was spooky. The End. Hey, guys. Let's go try to talk to ghosts. Too bad nobody knows how :("

Okay, so that's one thing. Just conjecture, I know. Then there's the pictures.

Really? Your ghost machine spit this out? The spooky dead people from the other side painted you a movie poster-like image. Lucy Fieldohair and Jake "The Steak" Luger star in DOUBLE THE STAKES II: Discount Memories.

I don't know about you, but for me any credibility this story had went down the tubes. I'd be far less skeptical if these ridiculous easily faked pictures weren't also captured from the same people. DID YOU SEE THE SPIRIT OF JOHN DENVER!? AMAZEEEEENG!

Then I found this on Coast to Coast:
The two men allegedly contacted the spirit of deceased NASA scientist Dr. George Mueller, but Rorke believes there was some fraud at play.

As evidence, he revealed that O'Neil, the sole operator of the Spiricom device, was a schizophrenic ventriloquist, who may have used his voice-throwing skills, along with an electrolarynx, to create the voice of Dr. Mueller. The Spiricom recordings "sound exactly like" the modulations produced by an artificial larynx, Rorke pointed out. In addition, O'Neil's only source of income was from the Metascience Foundation, and they paid him more money for results, Rorke added. Rorke also presented some newly discovered Metascience audio, noting that there is never any overlap between O'Neil and the Spiricom voice.

Here's an interview with Dr. Rorke. (click)

More troubling. Also read this from Wikipedia:

In 1980, William O'Neil constructed an electronic audio device called "The Spiricom." O'Neil claimed the device was built to specifications which he received psychically from George Mueller, a scientist who had died six years previously.^{And that was the precise moment this story completely slumped over and died for me.} At a Washington D.C., press conference on April 6, 1982, O'Neil stated that he was able to hold two-way conversations with spirits through the Spiricom device, and provided the design specifications to researchers for free. However, nobody is known to have replicated O'Neil's results using their own Spiricom devices. O'Neil's partner, retired industrialist George Meek, attributed O'Neil's success, and the inability of others to replicate it, to O'Neil's mediumistic abilities forming part of the loop that made the system work. However, there is strong evidence to suggest that the recordings of conversations were falsified by O'Neil, specifically with an electrolarynx. The clearly audible vocal fricatives in the recordings, along with the fact that during the hours of recordings O'Neil's and Mueller's voices never overlap (as would happen in normal conversation), support this theory

Now my text is underlined and I have no idea why or how to disable it. Wonderful. Well, I'll (HEY, it stopped underlining!) leave it at that. I'm making no claims to my professionalism in researching these sorts of things. I just went to Google, looked at a few links, and made my decision. Not the most scientific way of going about things, but enough for me. I deem the spiricom to be nothing paranormal. But it was fun to read about anyway.

Let me know if you find more hideous ghost things from the internet.

Attention Porters and Creaths

2010-03-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned this once a while back. I'm writing a collection of short spooky, terrifying, or otherwise bizarre stories accompanied by jittery spider-handed drawings (for I have spiders-for-hands, you see) of wispy ghost things and gigantic jelly-pigs.

Like these books from my childhood. - Only without all the stories simply being, "Once upon a time there was a dude all by himself. He was all, 'boy, I sure am by myself!' Suddenly he heard a noise.

BLIZZOOblABBA!

'What was that?' he asked. 'Who's there?'

BLIZZOOBLIZZOOBLABBA!

'Wha-'

BLIZZARGEBABLOOBY

'EH?'

BLEEAEEEEEEAAAARGHHHBLUH!

IT WAS GHOSTPERSONMANS!

THE END."

Now, as a Porter, I'm sure you know I've procrastinated and put this thing off as hard as my meaty little arms could. I, however, don't wish to do that anymore. I'm going to get this thing done and I want YOUR help!

This is a call to arms for any and all Porters/Creaths. You know who you are. The offer stands for my creative non-PorterCreath friends as well, but I don't imagine any would be interested. What is the offer, you ask?

I need to add more meat to my story book! You guys can all write better than me! Why not make this a family venture and put all our incredibly thick heads together to form some kind of humongous failure of a Voltron with four marzipan legs and no head.

I'd like anything you guys feel like writing. Length and subject matter are of no concern. They can be dead serious or completely goofy. They can even be something you've written and posted somewhere else already. Anything!

And then when we get enough stories together, I'd like to publish this thing through this site (click for link to lulu.com) unless any of you have any better ideas. Then we'll split all five dollars we gain from this amongst ourselves and wish we spent our time more wisely. Let me know if you want in!

UPDATE: In the comments Tony suggested a stream of consciousness Choose Your Own Adventure thing. Whether he was joking or not, I actually like that idea, too. Charlie and I were planning on making one in the near future anyway.

I'm not sure how we'd all do that, though. Maybe we all take turns writing different pages and scenarios. Maybe we can do that after my first idea. Maybe we can do both at the same time? Maybe we ignore the first and do the Choose Your Own Adventure? MAYBE we ignore ALL of those options and opt to write a series of disturbing fan-mail to various breakfast products. "I want you to know, Mini-Wheats, that I'm bringing you with me when I die."

Idunno!

Paranormal Pancake Parlor

2010-03-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah. That thing again for those of you who were reading the old blog.

Let's look at some ghost videos and get down with da spooky.

VID E. OH 1

I'm gonna take poorly lit footage of my dogs sitting on a bed, set the camera down, LEAVE IT ON, and OOoooOOOooOoOOOOooOooo SPOOKY GHOST RECTANGLES LIVE IN MY HOUSE AND THE PICTURE FRAME GOES ALL "slight turn". This man's house is straight up ghosts, son. Werd.

Note the definite horizontal edge the "ghost" has before it goes into the room. You can see it against the white doorway for a few frames.

HEY LOOKAT DIS ONE

I took some blurry low-quality footage of people walking around in the woods. You believe in the spookees right, kid? NOW PLEASE VISIT MY GHOST TAVERN FORUM AND DONATE MONEYS.
Taken at their word, that these were in fact ghostly forms walking around in the woods, this could be an interesting video.

You are to keep this video a secret from your father

Because we all know that security surveillance cameras are known for the sharpness and clarity. Anything blurry and splotchy looking must be a ghost no matter how fly-shaped it is.

GoOOooosts!

If I were a ghost sitting around while these strange people from the future went running around bumping their shins on everything and shouting questions in the dark, and they had these strange unfamiliar devices on them, the first thing I would do is go, "YEP. I KNOW THE PROCEDURE. I have seen it on TV before. I will ghost-interface with this machine built to find wiring behind walls (author's note: I don't actually know what the exact device is in the video). You learn this kind of high-tech gadgets and gizmos stuff being a ghost, you see."

Later in the video we see Jasper, the World's Lamest Ghost doing something really boring and, as his name would suggest, lame. Feathery mist. woo. After that, there's some really garbled audio that's warped to the point that it'd be hard not to hear what could be words in it.

Cut to the 90s where the intro to the X-Files happens for a few seconds and we finally see all characters in this play put on their best "cool" face cuz this ghost stuff is serious biz, bro. Great job!

Know any particularly cool/lame ghost videos? Let me know. I'll pretend I'm entertaining people while I secretly only entertain my magnificent self in another blog post.

SOUNDEY comx!

2010-03-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

Not really, this week. I think I can summarize all of these with a huge groan. They're all terrible and their terribleness is painfully self-evident.

That and my computer is out of commission (thanks, Bryden. My computer was running fine until I downloaded Vanguard Princess. Now I have some kinda virus or something) and it's not really fun to draw on a laptop. It's alright. I've been on a reading binge this week anyway.

Let's see if I can squeeze any amount of life from these dried, withered corpses.

Rooster Teeth
All this one deserves is a sharp shrug of the shoulders combined with a sudden 90 degree turn to mug at the camera. WAH WAH WAAAAAAH.

Action Trip

Really? 500 years (in Internet time) after Portal comes out and this is all they could come up with?
HEY MAN. What if I just made a portal LIKE THE VIDAMAGAIMS PORTAL from my desk to THE TOILET. AAAAAAHHHHKHAHAHAKAAHKKKGHGHGF! - or whatever wheezing air sounds that constitute the writer's laugh.
OMAGAWD, broSSSEFF! I'M 'UNNA DRAW AN ART O' DAT BLOOP BLOOP RAHT NOW 'N UPLOADER IT DO 2 INETERNET!

BLOOP BLOOP!
It's even worse if you scroll down to read the comments.
Among them:
Hilarious!
It's funny because it's true XD
hahaaaa! Nice!
Simply genius, inspiring.
This is my favorite AT comic ever!

ugh.
God, why couldn't these creatures live on their own brick-for-heads-planet in some especially dark corner of space while the rest of us with something actually going on between our ears can go do what really matters; tying all the world's ducks together and using their raft-like buoyancy to bridge our continents together once and for all. With the power of nature as GOD intended.

NEXT:

GU Comics push their radical anti-Moscow agenda once again. The writer wrote:
I just thought that it would be funny if the protagonist went through a checklist of nasty without issue, but scoffed at the simplest thing.

Yeah, he THOUGHT. Here's another joke with almost the same premise but done infinitely better. See, things progress, there's a list of things, and then OKAY it's not the same thing. But it's awesome and will take the horrible aftertaste of these failures out of your mouth.

Temporarily.

The rest posted on Kotaku aren't particularly awful enough to share with the world (but that doesn't mean I derived any amount of joy from them, either) or I'm not exactly sure what's going on in them. Like this one.

Is this supposed to be like the movie starring Denzel Washington, The Fallen, where they show the ending first and then the rest of the story happens and he shoots John Goodman in the face? Seriously, that Big Daddy is already drilling into the girl's head in the first panel.

Ugh. The end. See you next week.

Can't Unsee

2010-03-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

Invader Zim is one of my favorite cartoons of all time. You all know I'm an insufferable curmudgeon. It takes quite a bit to get into my magical "favorite" bag and Zim is in that bag.

To see something like THIS is completely heartbreaking. Soul crushing. I don't know how, but make sure Mr. Vasquez never sees this. Were I him, I'd probably kill myself.

Fan fiction - the answer is always no (Unless you're Peter Chimaera. Look it up).

It looks like they watched Zim and took this from it: Zim is an angry and power hungry ALIEM. Dib am hero. Use the word "doom" and refer to pigs and/or monkeys. BAM! I'm gonna make a comic! This is a good use of my time!

Look, if that sort of thing is really in your heart, I'm not going to stop you. Do whatever you want. I would however, plea that you change your mind. There's obviously some kind of talent behind their work. The art and coloring is nice! It really is a shame to see that go to waste. If you really want to honor someone else's work, be inspired by it and create something completely new because of it. To an artist, I don't think there's anything more flattering than that.

Fan-fiction to an artist, though; I don't think there's much more insulting than that. Artists like to see things evolve. Not sit around dwelling in one place.

Quick Nothings

2010-03-22T17:10:00.000-07:00

HEY, this is a quick note to ALL webcomic artist/writers out there.

Just a few minutes ago, I had a quick interaction with my brother. He was getting a bag of chicken nuggets out of the freezer. He saw a picture on the back showing a plate full of both chicken nuggets and grapes. On the same plate. Touching. He showed it to me and pointed out that it was a little weird. I said in reply, "Yeah, 'cause I think about those two together all the time." I mean, let's face it, chicken nuggets and grapes together isn't the most appetizing thing in the world.

HOWEVER. This was otherwise a rather mundane observation. Note that I did NOT make a comic about it because that would be FREAKING STUPID and a WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME. I'd say that nobody wants to read comics about your HIGH-LARIOUS everyday interactions and comments on mundane things in the sad, empty, quivering meat tubes you call your lives, but I've read the feedback given to you from the sycophants you surround yourselves with. We know you have nothing to contribute to society this week, you don't have to shout if from your roof.

Your friend saw something a little strange. You or someone else made a remark. The end. Move on with your life. Stop polluting the earth.

Thank you.

SONDEE COMICS

2010-03-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME AGAIN, SWEATER-SHACK.

We're about to go through some pretty high level stuff right now ARE YOU READY TO BLOW YOUR MIND?

I know these Sunday gamer webcomics are pretty complex, so I today I'm going to dumb them all down to something even incredibly worse so our plebeian brains can understand. Make sure to turn on the right side of you are BRANS, MORAN.

Penny Arcade starts things off with one to tell your parents about tonight at the dinner table.

comic

Whoa, slow down there, College. I will attempt to dumb this down (click for bigger):

NEXT

Oh, Snoopy. What ever are we going to do with you?

NEX- OH GOD. UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS!

NO. WHAT HAVE I DONE. I HAVE LET IT OUT.

NEXT: CARL ART DEEP

NEXT: ROOSTER TEETH

An ATM got Valve gaims before THE PS3!!!! OOOAAAUAUUAUAUAUAHGHGH1110010100010100100100111100

Jokes of the internets to you, good sir. Well played. Golf claps. Something someone with a monocle would say thrusting his elbows back and forth across his torso while his mustache slides around his face.

A NEW REFRESHING HALO JOKEj

I like the part where Biff rams into a truck full of manure and he goes, "I hate manure."

NEXT

A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SUPER MARIO BRO, CPT. DEELISHUS.

THE END.

Streamlining

2010-03-15T13:06:00.001-07:00

Finally found something that does this sort of thing.

I'm going to be creating these sorts of pages for all the Fun Drome's "comic" content from now on. This will make it much easier on everyone. Less of a nightmare to navigate. No more waiting on me to upload everyone's comics. Deelishus, Bryden, and Shmelnick can put their work up when they want to, and it won't be a big complicated mess in order for them to do it (like it has been for me all this time).

You guys just have to log in, upload your comic, put the file name in this format: "YYYY-MM-DD-comic-name.jpg" or whatever. (Y/M/D = year, month, day) Only use letters and dashes on the "comic-name" part.

I'll go over it in more detail with you guys individually. I'll send you a PM on the forum or something. But for now, you can check out my comic page for "FLEE."

EDIT: All your pages are up. Everything is in your hands, now. Check your messages on the forum. Let me know if you need any help.

TWILIGHT FANART

2010-03-14T23:19:00.000-07:00

behold

(click)

IMPAR LOSES AGAIN

2010-03-13T09:55:00.001-08:00

Headline news, everyone! As I may have told some of you, I entered my webcomic idea into THE ESCAPIST WEBCOMIC CONTEST type thing. And it lost. Hard. Not even an honorable mention :(. But I'm pretty proud of it! What I submitted to them is posted up on their site along with all 350 (more or less) entries (I'll put a link at the bottom). I haven't looked at the other entries yet (except for the winning one. Congrats to them!) so I can't really tell you whether they're any good or not.

Free-hand MS paint loses to fancy photoshop again :(
I'd use a fancier program to do my work in, but it takes me forever when I do. My brain thinks of new things faster than I can draw, so I tend to lose interest in my work really quickly. MS paint is the quickest way.

Here's a link to my comic on their site. Scroll down and click on the cool one, "FLEE."
It's got a brief description of what I was doing with my comic. I was trying to do something that sort of spit in the face of conventional gaming comics (like the ones I've been making fun of on this blog) and dealt with "gaming" as more of a means to "escape," Hence the name, "FLEE." I tried to be "out there" but not too "out there."
I used MST3k as inspiration for the story. You know; average joe gets kidnapped into space and is forced to go through these horrible experiments to somehow benefit his dark overlords in a way he'd never quite understand. That sort of thing. FLEE was going to have some minor story segments outside the video game "experiments" much like Joel/Mike and the bots did with their Invention Exchanges and little skits. The "experiments" themselves were going to be a mix of impressions of existing games/gaming trends - but poking fun in a more "right side of the brain" way.

Oh well. To be honest, I was relieved. I was almost frightened to death that I might win.
Click here to see the winning comic.
Click here for the "Honorable Mentions"

And here's mine in its entirety so far.

I think I'll probably continue this on the Fun Drome. I'll let you guys know if I do more.

The Truth

2010-03-01T22:32:00.001-08:00

If only I knew how much in life I was missing. It took one magical film to show me the way to be a true sentient being - one with all that I can and cannot survey. If only the rest of the world would see this film and take heed to its lessons. I watched Ghost Dad today.

Gone

2010-01-21T16:08:00.001-08:00

What a difference in a single day. She left the day I made that last post. Just thought I'd let you all know. She fought a good fight.

I don't feel like saying anything more right now. Later.

Update on my Mom

2010-01-20T12:06:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update to let everyone know my mom's in the hospital again. For those new to the game, my mom has been battling cancer for the last 2-3 years. That's what this was about.

The details are unimportant, but the doctors say it doesn't look very good right now. Then again, the doctors have been underestimating my mom for years. I'm not so sure they have their act completely together, either.

I'm trying to be hopeful and optimistic about this, but I'm trying not to lie to myself, too. She's been in a drug induced coma (because of the pain) for a while, but I think she's starting to breathe better and be more responsive. She even woke up for a while the other day! On top of that she wasn't complaining about pain at all. She was smiling and joking around, even. Pretty much her usual self, but, you know, a little drugged out.

We'll see what happens. I personally think she's going to come through this thing. I swear these doctors have some kind of bet on which one of them can depress us the most, though.

Doctor: Here's the facts, guys: We're going to put her on antibiotics to fight the infection. We're going to keep her on the pain meds but gradually reduce them so she can be more awake and help get rid of the problems in her lungs. She's showing small, but gradual signs of improvement since you brought her in. NOW here's my medical opinion: The saline bag will probably start inexplicably leaking in the middle of the night and nobody will notice, the antibiotics will accidentally be labeled "poison" and won't be given to her by the night staff, werewolves are real right? Yeah, werewolves will probably happen. And then, since we're pretty sure there isn't a non-magical way of looking inside her body and seeing what's going on, I think it's a safe bet that more tumors will sprout out of her (that's what cancer does, right? I read a medical book that said that happened once) and form a kind of drill that will burrow deep below the surface of the earth, the cries of humanity's sins will pour out from the gurgling red cauldron of Hell below and scores of winged, cloven hoofed, deformed abominations the likes of which we cannot even completely fathom, from whose bodies will spill out and dangle the tortured forlorn souls of our fallen brethren, will tear away at the sky above and rip open a hole of complete darkness darker than the darkness of space, itself, and will drag you, your mother, and your entire family below where your cries will be muffled by about 4 thousand miles of solid earth and the shrieking hell-spawn feasting upon the creatures who will have once reigned supreme upon the surface of the once noble planet.

And then they'll keep repeating it every time they walk by.

Gotta keep my hopes up.

Sanday Comics!

2010-01-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

Let's all delve headfirst into that great big magical sack of anger in the sky once again, shall we? Understand that the more we poke fun at the horrible things in the world, the better we can enjoy the truly good things. Or something like that. I don't know. Something I watched this weekend had that line in it and I thought, "Yeah, that sounds about right." Other things I watched this weekend also told me to hollow out my teeth and fill them with that goop they put in Cadbury eggs but I know better than to try that one again.

Comic 1

Boy are my knees all skidding with excitement at the prospect of someone devoting an entire work of art to this common occurrence. Next they'll make a bold move and show their take on when sometimes people accidentally drop stuff or when shoe laces come untied or something.

Comic 2

Did you know that Nikola Tesla invented light? Without light, farmers couldn't shear wool from their sheep. THEN where would we all be?

Comic 3

Some dudes converse in a gas station bathroom about some internets. My favorite part is when they chuck that throw pillow out the window. You'll think twice before hanging out in a public restroom, you stupid throw pillow.

Comic 4

'Cuz Miley Cyrus totally sucks, 'mirite guys? FIST BUMP TO THE MAXIMUM POWER: I WILL MEET YOU BEHIND THE MALL WHERE WE WILL REMOVE OUR RIGHT FISTS AND TRADE THEM WITH ONE ANOTHER AS BRETHREN OF THE BRO CODE. And then we will put our hands up and move our hips like "yeah."

Comic 5

I can't even look at this.

Comic 6

An interesting concept at least. An educational comic strip. Like Mark Trail or something. But for video games. I guess people like using this Nolan North fellow. I'm sure I won't remember that fact 15 seconds after I type it. This isn't supposed to be humorous or have any entertainment value, right? Like Mark Trail?

Comic 7

Do you get it? HUH!? HUH!? HHHHUUUGHCK! This comic, and a really long suicide note were the only things found in the creator's home.

Comic 8

Never since Office Space has anything really captured so accurately the complete soullessness of the modern workplace environment. I mean, it's so absurd, man. I've got an idea for your next comic!

Amorphous Homunculous (AH) 1: I haven't received my paycheck, still.
AH 2: I'm sorry, you'll have to take that up with accounting.
AH 1: Why can't you take care of it?
AH 2: Our computers aren't properly equipped for that. Accounting is. It's just down the hall.
AH 1: WAY BOGUS!

THE END

SFIV Abel Spooky Skin

2010-01-04T00:40:00.000-08:00

Man, Abel is a visually boring character. Man. He's got a cool nose, though. I'm going to go spill the moon into a bus now, bye.

PS. That's supposed to say "PARTY TIME" on his back, there.

SFIV Ken HARDCORE GAMERS ONLY skin

2010-01-04T00:37:00.001-08:00

This one isn't for wimps. Only true MASTERS of computer games can even dare use this. The in-game version of the skin didn't turn out too detailed looking. I still have plenty more work to do to finish HARDCORE MUSTACHE KEN.

SFIV Ryu skin

2010-01-04T00:33:00.000-08:00

There's supposed to be a couple other little faces hidden on his face but it didn't turn out too well. I still don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm having fun.

SFIV Skins

2010-01-04T00:30:00.001-08:00

Here's all the evidence the world needs that nobody should ever EVER give me skinning/modding capabilities or I will do things like this.

Those are supposed to be eyes pushed down on Sagat's cheeks, there (click on the image to make it more bigger). I'm going to make them more noticeable in the final version.

Sunday Game Comics AGAIN

2009-12-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

Only the best and brightest for the fans of the video games! Let's take a look at another brilliant video games webcomics that somebody really professional (not me) made! It was posted on Kotaku so it must be good!

Check out this! Pretty good, right! High five!

My response!

And OH EM GEE look at this! One of the worst things I've seen all day. Who let this happen? Was there supposed to be a joke here, somewhere? Or some kind of sage wisdom passed down to us from somewhere on high?

It frightens me already that lower life forms do this to stave off their secret sweaty passion for one another. It frightens me more that someone thought it'd be a good idea to, without any irony, devote an entire work of art to it. What makes me want to destroy the world is that there are even more people who also thought it was a good idea and devoted any amount of their time to it. In a world like this, how is it possible that Wild Hogs 2 isn't going to be made? There's a big scary well of stupid out there just waiting to be tapped into.

New Screenshot from The Christmas

2009-12-17T21:22:00.001-08:00

The Christmas is coming out The Christmas Day.

The Christmas is a new game by Captain Deelishus which also created The Thanksgiving and Christmas-like.

It will be priced at 1000 points on DSi Ware and will be the best video on the market to date. Thank you for your contribution Captain Deelishus

GOOD GRIEF

2009-12-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

An astute commenter on Kotaku posted this in response to somebody's (not nearly enough) Ctrl-Alt-Delete bashing.

I will quote them:

"If you don't like CAD, then stop reading it. Do you (single and plural) have to constantly *FEMALE CANINE* about it every time a CAD comic is put up?

Not every comic is going to be funny, nor does it have to be. It's a crazy idea I know. Sometimes, I read PA and think to myself WTF, that wasn't funny. But w/e.

It's seriously getting tiresome. If you think it's *POOPY*, say so once and then move on. There's no need to start threads and spend ridiculous amounts of time just to hate on one guy.

I'm going to start reading CAD twice a day now just to spite you *NAUGHTY WORDS*"

Good point. To that I will say:

If you don't like reading people *FEMALE CANINE* about CAD , then stop reading it. Do you (single and lonely) have to constantly *FEMALE CANINE* about it every time disdain for a CAD comic is posted?

Not every comment is going to be funny or follow your ideals, nor do they have to. It's a crazy idea I know. Sometimes, I read other comments and think to myself HEY, that wasn't funny nor did it meet my personal standards. But w/e. (and then I secretly make fun of them on my blog)

It's seriously getting tiresome. If you think it's *POOPY*, say so once (wait, what?) and then move on. There's no need to start threads and spend ridiculous amounts of time just to hate on one guy.

I'm going to start reading CAD hate-comments twice a day now just to spite you *NAUGHTY WORDS*

Gaming Webcomics Greatest Hits!!!!

2009-12-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

!!!!

God, I hate video game related webcomics. They always follow the same formula:

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
DUKE
Duke who?
DUKE NUKEM FOREVER more like DUKE NUKEM FOREVER NOT GOING TO COME OUT AMIRIGHT?
Audience: My tiny monkey-brain sees that one of the several things in its database has been referenced. In this painfully drab nothingness, a never ending sea of complete banality that is my life, I will take ANYTHING as a life raft to help me stay afloat! SYCOPHANT MODE ACTIVATED. Man, that sure is true HAHAHA LOL XD THUMBS UP FOR GREAT JUSTICE INTERNETS HANDED AT YOU, SIR WELL PLAYED SYCOPHANT SYCOPHANT SYCOPHANT SYCOPHANT

The most exciting and inspiring thing these people have seen is that one episode of The Golden Girls where they were old and talked about men. That and when their friend, Jimmy, accidentally spilled ketchup on their pants! XD lol exclamations!

I realize I'm not exactly bridging that gap between "them" and "us." I'm not really trying to. That'll be for another day. Let's first identify and document the problem.

Growing up watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 made me a sucker for pain. I revel in it! So let's do that.

Check out these great failures!

Link to sunday wecomic featured on Kotaku.

Two GAMER friends in some kind of green egg purgatory expose their hairy, bulging, sloshing with MOUNTAIN DEW GAMER FUEL bellies seemingly in protest of the scenery around them whilst desperately staving off their raging love for one another. Because they are more than likely, bros 4 life. But then, the unthinkable happens ...
HAHAHAHA! GET IT!? A truly awe-inspiring twist if I've ever seen one! Could his friend really be the pope? Oh, red-hair-and-goatee-guy. When will you learn?

Another

HAH! BIG MAN USUALLY THINK OF SMASHING ROCKS. BUT NOW BIG MAN THINK OF PUBLIC IMAGE. HILARITY!

Boy, am I glad that blue guy is down there in the corner, though! Were he not there letting me know that I'm supposed to laff by making that comically exaggerated face of disdain for the situation at hand, I would have been genuinely concerned whether or not BIG MAN'S WHATEVER-HE'S-TALKING-ABOUT MAKES HIS BUTT LOOK BIG. Thanks, blue guy!

More

In this one we really take a look into our own souls and our relations to certain given facts. Is an arm really an arm? Is a goat really an animal? Does a shoe really protect our feet? Is the purpose of art to entertain? Does a video game store sell video games? All of these questions are answered, my friends. You have been enlightened. These guys are really operating on a different wavelength, man. I don't know what that wavelength is, or if it's any good. I don't know where they're going with this, but they're on some kind of wavelength. That's for sure.

CAD
MAN LIKE WOMAN, HARR HARR HARR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rooster Teeth
TRIPLE-DOG-FIST-OF-WOMAN-BURN!!!!
ALSO MORE MAN LIKE WOMAN! ETERNAL TRUTH. UG CLIMB TREE.

Ugh. Brain can't take it anymore. I'm sorry this came out a little disjointed and odd here and there. It really was a struggle to keep my head together through all this. I mean, come on! You saw 'em!

Let's Begin

2009-12-17T18:34:00.000-08:00

Right. Now that all that is taken care of, let us get down to business.

I don't understand why people have to berate and shout angry things at the things they don't like. There are so many things in this world to explore and enjoy that it just seems so pointless to go up in a frenzy every time someone in the universe does or creates something that doesn't happen to agree with you. Guess what? People are different. Stop crying and move on. Why, people? Why?

With that said, I will now proceed to poke fun of everything and everyone that I deem horrible on the internet (present company excluded) in small fits of childlike rage to make myself feel better. Won't you join me?

I have two guns

2009-12-17T18:24:00.000-08:00

Do you understand???

FunBlog!

2009-12-17T17:34:00.000-08:00

*cough* Is this thing on? Billy, show me how this works. Go get your mother, please.